Adjusting to married life could be an overwhelming time for a lot of newly married couples.
But you and your spouse can use this time to build a strong foundation for your marriage. A strong foundation will help you adjust to married life, and transition into life as a married couple and set you up for a happier and healthier marriage.
If you want a book that will help you build a strong foundation for your marriage, read this book today.
Below are the 14 tips for adjusting to married life.
1. Money
What’s mine is yours, and what’s yours is mine after we tie the knot right?
Well, that’s how it should be anyways, especially with money!
Having the same checking and savings accounts works for many couples. Learning to agree on finances, starting a simple family budget and getting on the same page about your finances is a MUST.
This can be a BIG adjustment for many couples.
For us, ongoing frequent communication was key.
You each have a say in your money. It’s both of your money even if there’s only one income.
A great book to read for this is The Total Money Makeover. This book helped us develop a plan that worked for us and maybe it can help you too.
2. Communication
We all communicate differently. We know this, we hear about it all the time, right?
Being married and experiencing this is entirely different.
So many of our arguments that first year of marriage was due to us misunderstanding each other.
Even if you use the same word, the definition of that word may be different to your spouse.
Click here to learn how to communicate with your spouse.
3. Selfishness to selflessness
I never realized how selfish I was until I got married.
You have to go from thinking about just yourself, what you want to eat for dinner and how you want to live your life, to what do we want for dinner, how do we want to live our life as well as what I want to do.Learning to balance my individual needs and desires with Marcus’s was an adjustment to me. – Ashley
Putting each others needs before our wants while keeping the balance so you are not a rug to be stepped on, or taken advantage of can be difficult for many to master. This is a big part of not only surviving the first year of marriage but also having a happy and healthy marriage.
If you both put each other first, it will be a win-win :). Learn how to become selfless.
4. Unity
You are on the same team. You’re both winners or both losers.
Always remember, to give your spouse the benefit of the doubt and believe they have your best interest in mind. **Unless there is abuse.
In addition, if changing your name after marriage is part of your plans, do it right away.
5. Learning how to “fight fair”
In our first year of marriage, we had a lot of adjusting to do in learning how to disagree in a healthy way because we both came from different families who had different ways of doing things.
Learning how to disagree respectfully as mature adults can be a learning curve for many. It was for us!
newly married couples
6. Honesty
Be honest about your marriage expectations, discuss, and compromise with each other.
There is no place for little white lies in a marriage.
7. Boundaries with in-laws, family, and friends
Setting boundaries of what’s acceptable to share about your relationship with your friends, in-laws, and family members, when they can visit, and how much time you spend with them is crucial.
No one loves your spouse like you do!
If they do something and it pisses you off, don’t vent to your family member(s) who won’t be able to forget and forgive as easily as you.
Most problems that come up in marriage arguments are usually a misunderstanding or communication issue anyways (excluding any form of abuse or infidelity).
By setting these boundaries in the first year of marriage helps in building a strong foundation for your marriage.
Setting boundaries between both spouse’s is equally important to maintaining your individuality and avoiding manipulation.
Check out Boundaries in Marriage by Dr. Henry Cloud for some great insights.
8. Romance
You have to communicate to each other what you need to feel romanced and loved, your spouse can’t read your mind.
Compliment each other.
Continually pursue your spouse.
Make time to connect every single day.
Don’t forget to really talk about things you enjoy, do things together and enjoy each other’s company.
Marriage is spending your days and growing together with your best friend, lover, and partner in life; so enjoy them!
Read the 5 Love Languages.
9. Personalities
You are two unique individuals with two unique backgrounds, therefore adjusting to marriage will require some effort from both of you.
You will have to learn to compromise with each other to ensure the success of your marriage.
10. Meals
Making dinner, lunch or breakfast was an adjustment for us; we are from two different countries.
Since you and your spouse are from two different families you will have some adjusting to do.
We had to find things we liked from each other’s meals, tried to mesh them together, and experimented with new recipes until we came up with meals we both enjoyed.
We love different foods from all over the world and try to make our own versions at home.
Healthy food was an adjustment, we are always striving to eat healthier, one of us knew more about the quality of canned vs frozen vs fresh vs organic.
You are what you eat so this should be a topic of discussion in your first year before the arguments over meals begin.
11. Life challenges and the unexpected events
We had a lot thrown at us in our first year of marriage. It really put our commitment to the test.
We learned to stick together and cling to each other when the storms came. We always planned ahead, especially with our finances.
Being there to lean on, and leaning on your spouse when you need to, that’s one of the best things about marriage.
You have a best friend whom you can rely on.
They are strong where you are weak, and you’re strong where they are weak. Be available for your spouse.
12. Time
Spend time together sharing your experiences about adjusting to each other as a married couple.
Remember quality over quantity. Your marriage needs to be nurtured so it can grow.
Time with your spouse should be a priority.
Make time to talk and connect about your dreams and what you are learning every day.
13. Patience
Marriage adjustments take time, so be patient with each other.
Remember the golden rule here and treat your spouse the way you want them to treat you.
14. Words
After you said “I do,” you are now a wife, a husband, or partner.
We should lift up our spouse with words of respect and love.
Words can have a huge impact, so choose them wisely.
Also, choose some forbidden words for your marriage.
